nuance

If you read the title above and thought, The family what? or started mentally humming Take Me Higher and reminiscing about Woodstock (ya know, Sly), it’s understandable; very few people know of or saw this 2005 holiday movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton, Luke Wilson, and Claire Danes, among others. My family, wife, and I saw it at the theater a couple days after Christmas that year. We liked it.

Since then, the wife and I have watched it annually, and it has grown to be one of our favorite holiday movies. In fact, we just got done with our Christmas ‘07 viewing, and we’re checking out the special features as I write this. About a half hour ago, in the thick of the film, I teared up. If my father in law wasn’t here watching with us, I would have genuinely cried.

It’s weird that I like this movie so much. It doesn’t have the laugh-out-loud hilarity of Christmas Vacation, nor the pure, childlike holiday revelry of A Christmas Story, both of which occupy my #2 and #1 slots for favorite Christmas movies ever, respectively.

But there is just something about this movie that gets me.

The plot, the plot. Well, it is classic romantic comedy stuff framed by classic family comedy stuff, all done with a certain subtlety that seems more dramatic than comedic for most of the movie. But you’ve got Luke Wilson, and the man is just genius, and he brings such perfect and appropriate humor to all of his scenes that I find myself laughing consistently throughout the film. For me, Wilson is kind of like Bill Murray in the sense that he makes me laugh with his facial expressions alone. He doesn’t just say funny things or play funny characters or benefit from funny scenes with funny writing - he is funny.

And in this movie he plays the documentary editing younger brother (Ben) of the lead male actor, Dermot Mulroney. Dermot is Everett. Dermot is engaged to Meredith, played by SJP. The mom of the family Stone is played by Diane Keaton, and the professor dad, Kelly, is played by Craig T. Nelson of Coach fame. The younger sister who absolutely despises her brother’s choice of Meredith is Rachel McAdams (Amy) in an early role. The setting is very Meet the Parents with Everett bringing Meredith to meet his family in CT at Christmas time.

All the typical rules apply, with a tiny twist: instead of the family being very conservative, they are very liberal; instead of all sorts of mixups involving parental shock at the grown kids’ hedonistic hijinks, the parents are incredulous at the uptightness of their son’s girl, and even their son himself. The family couldn’t be more laid back - Dad and Ben have to be warned by mom to not smoke pot in the house; they share pot brownies on the bleachers at the high school instead. Amy wears drab clothes and totes an NPR, well, totebag, and cannot abide the proper, city-sheik, full-time high-heel habits of this Meredith. She makes it her mission to humiliate and belittle her in front of the rest of the fam. There is a painful moment of this when Meredith desperately argues that she does not care what Amy thinks of her; Amy just smiles and says, “Of course you do.” There is death in those words.

Mom is nearly as brutal in her opposition to Meredith, especially the thought of Everett marrying her. And seeing the sheer dissimilarity between the interests of Everett and Meredith, Dad is convinced that his son “does not know himself at all.”

But Ben, who is the freest spirit of them all, is oddly sympathetic towards Meredith - perhaps too sympathetic. Understanding that his brother doesn’t really love this girl seems to allow him the freedom to like her; the fact that he does is evident from the first meeting and especially at the moment when he stands beside her car in the cold CT air in tight-fitting sweatpants and tells her that he had a dream about her. It is a hilarious scene, almost classic.

But I have almost forgotten two very important characters played by unknown actors. They are Thad and Patrick, the deaf, gay son and his partner. The presence of these characters elevate the tension beyond lighthearted liberal vs. conservative; there is something more personal here, more serious. Can the uptight Meredith really embrace these people? Can these people then be able to embrace her?

I have seen very few scenes as real and emotionally charged as the Christmas Eve dinner scene where Meredith asks well- intentioned but horribly inappropriate questions regarding sexual orientation in general, and Thad and Pat’s desire to have children in particular. It is explosive and thought-provoking - challenging, even - especially to someone in our walk of faith.

Moreover, as I watch this film each year, I am struck by one thing that this family Stone demonstrates so dramatically, especially evident towards this deaf, gay Thaddaeus - love. It is not a casual, movie-family affection; it is deep and gutteral love, unashamed and unabashed. Dad does not merely hug his gay son when he arrives for Christmas - he grabs his face and stares into his eyes and intentionally kisses both cheeks. After Meredith has dealt a crushing insult at the dinner table that leaves Thad dejected, mom fixes her eyes on him and says, “Hey. Hey you.” And after throwing a fork past diners’ faces to get his attention, she says and signs, “I love you. You are more normal than any asshole at this table.” It is a beautiful moment.

But it isn’t typical Christmas movie fare. More typical is the romantic comedy element - Ben is falling for Meredith, his brother’s fiance’, and rescues her after her horrible blunder at the dinner table; meanwhile, Meredith’s sister Julie, who came to visit at her sister’s request, is connecting with Everett. The ornery Amy is reunited with a childhood boyfriend on Christmas morning. One can see where this is going.

But it is all somehow very true to the message of Christmas. I think this is why I cry. Because when the final element is introduced - that Mom is dying of cancer - and Everett and his mother end their bitter spat in tears over this, there is brokenness perfected by love. This is it - this the why of Christmas. We are a broken people, a broken world, with no hope of reconciliation or perfection in and of ourselves; there is no sense and no beauty and no hope until love, perfect love, perfect perfection breaks into this brokenness, right into the thick of it and somehow…

…makes it beautiful.

Check the trailer here.